Friday, August 22, 2008

reFOCUS it's been a while since I posted anything.
Lots of things been happening. Lots of the things I know are either useless or somehow it will hit me in life later on that it would kinda make me realize.

Anyways, heard a lot of rumours from my older community. Btw they're not good at all...well not all at least. To me it's kinda obvious and I can't do much OR my heart will just ache as the outcome, present or even the future becomes visible its just so overwhelming it can hurt a lot. I suggest we pray for my old community for more of it's openness and of course "unity". Though, I know that it's called a "mega" community in which they will do their best to keep everyone within the building and not rlly "spreading" (maybe it my terms I guess or to what my knowledge reaches), why would they use such jerk movements just to keep the people. ESPECIALLY when these people are trying to reach out and not just stay within an enclosed institution? I have to pray more about it...

Aside from that, life is quite random. Spontaneous you could also say (same thing rlly)...but like wow everything is just shifting in reversed motion. Not even a joke! In a way it's very...very scary but it's probably a test or a call for me. I feel it. No not within my mind or heart. It's the spirit, the soul, the core.

Monday, June 9, 2008


Tired, fatigue, just yeah...

For the last week it's been quite the stressfulness.
You might ask...what? Well basically there's:

- Second last week of school
- Prom
- University prep (OSAP and course selections)
- Mosquitoes
- 25th anniversary for my parents

I know, those might seem very little but the impact on me was just nuts.
I mean second last week of school and I just received some other assignments which is due on the last week of WOW.

Prom was hmmm okay? Not the best, nor was it super sad but for sure I felt some sorrow tingling inside of me since well something that was so obvious and straight forward happened right in my face. I mean that shock made me speechless and crappy inside so it was a pretty bad night haha.

University prep isn't till a bit but I still do have to worry a bit...but oh man the mosquito bites from prom annihilated me. They were so face had a big lump, my arm was super swollen, and my legs were like gross. And even at this moment, they're still itchy...

Then what's worse was that the 2 Timothy 2-22, I failed to keep it. I have failed many times but this one time it was the worse time. Why you may ask, well let's just say that I was working so hard on this that I felt so true about myself. So TRUE that I was probably overconfident and BAM when I got struck I was down to the bottom. Maybe it was everything that happened this week/weekend that killed me. However, whatever it is exactly, I know I can't just use it as an excuse. I need to continue to attempt to break free of this chain, continue to thank God for all he has given and done to me, and to continue praying for support and others.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Fresh and Alive

Ahhh been a while since I posted...

Well anyways, after a long week of staying up like a crazy monkey working on projects...most of my summatives or final assignments are finished! YES!!!

Aside from that, there were some interesting things that happened...

Well one, I accepted the offer to go to York for Digital Media. I chose this path because...well I rlly enjoy doing different media like animation, sound, video, graphics...and at the same time through this medium aka the media I listed, I can spread the awareness of many things like environmental awareness, which I'm really into at the moment.

Then there was an event called Relay 4 Life at my school. It was held on Friday, and yes it was raining during parts of it, which really sucked but the point of the whole event was to walk till you drop type of motto. Since those who had cancer definitely felt the same or more of like felt even worse than what I had to suffer through just "walking" for 12 hours or so. Well not really, since we had to take breaks or else my leg would just break off haha.

However, it wasn't during the event of walking, more of which during the time when everyone else was tired I realized something. Those who are suffering or those who have family members or friends who are suffering still attend this event to walk or even run for them. The sadness in their eyes totally killed me, it was just so hurtful since I've never really experienced such a thing before. Even though I know that someday it will happen to my grandma, dad or mom, anything is possible.

The way one of my friend took the event was so serious but in a way it wasn't. She of course had fun just taking pictures, walking, running, catching football while walking, etc. However, during this hardcore rain that fell down in the evening...she kept going. She didn't stop, she was so eager to keep walking, that when she came back she like a sponge, soaked with water. I mean even without staring in her eyes, knowing that sorrow is within her heart...just her whole image shows it. Yet, as a friend...a stupid one I'd say...I couldn't really do much, well I could've but I thought I didn't have the right to do so.

Until, at about 12 am almost...she was still outside I thought...So I went out to see if she was there. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well...I kept waiting though, just to make sure. In the end, she actually was still walking but I told her and her friend that we had to get in cause of the lightning so for safety reasons we went in. Just at that moment, I was not my feelings for a girl, it was more of a friendship.

It's been FOREVER since I really felt this way because I always thought that caring for a girl is something very intimate I guess in a way. I was WRONG, very could say that it's been almost like 2-3 years that I've had this feeling. The acknowledgment of the unhappy settle hit me in the face, THAT was when I started to just pray to God so intensely for the people around me. It felt so good to just share what I've experienced to Him. It was similar to like a talk show, where he would interview me and I'd just answer his questions. That was what I felt, yes may sound weird but it was real. I'm glad that this experience opened me up so much more to not just to God but to even people around me.

Today, I called my friend out to check the mall for something I needed and to also get a drink to talk for a few. It was pretty interesting, he explained to me about the problems our friends had, or that he had. Though I knew I couldn't do much, I listened attentively and I talked about what I was doing for Sunday since I usually would be at church. He told me that it was weird but interesting to see, then we got into this huge discussion about religion and environment, quite a talk.

Before I end this post, I think lately my action on 2 Timothy, 2-22 is definitely in place. Also, the title of the post "fresh and alive" might not really relate to what I've posted so far but if you think about it, everything that just happened...was just so amazing it's like yeah kinda like "speechless" haha...hmm I don't know I can't explain very well but hopefully whoever's reading get what I mean ;)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A start but stuck...

Ha finally I'm able to find a good blogging site for myself.

Anyways, things in school hasn't been going great. Lots of work, practices for Ultimate Frisbee, and stress with every single action I take. Whether it is walking, talking, working, or even just breathing!...It sucks since there's probably a consequence to it haha.

Yeah! I'm going to rant on my blog about the tough situations...
I think I'll just list them...and they are not in any particular order....

- Choosing the university, only a few days left before my final decision is made
- Feeling like a total loser because well to be honest I got turned down by my prom date
- Hating math because I'm like failing, not sure why I can't learn properly anymore
- English is stressful and it reminds me too much about what I did in the past
- Failed to stay put on the 2 Timothy 2.22 verse

There's more but I rather not waste this whole post when I can post more about it in the future. I'm conservative eh?

So anyways, I'm pretty sure a lot of people heard about the disasters in Burma and China. I've noticed that on my msn, a lot of my friends have the "rainbow" to support China for the disaster...aka a campaign. I thought it WAS a good idea but when I thought about it a few more times, it was somewhat useless. It literally was just a rainbow, sure it MAY cause awareness to other people on their msn list BUT only if they cared to even ask about it RIGHT? Maybe this is how people lean on this "hope"? Hoping that it will one day turn into something big or bigger...

Hmm, yeah I'm just stuck on that fact about this idea...What is hope? Is it really worth believing in this hope that one day from the awareness of the "rainbow" it will make people realize and MAKE them do something about the situation there? I really don't know...